i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
