Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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