Your favorite bartender is back from prision
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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