You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
