just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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