Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Randomize
