Are we in a gay sports bar?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
At least life still wants to fuck me.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
