Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
