I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
