Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
