I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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