its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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