Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
