Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
