so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
