So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
