oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Randomize