Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
