genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize