YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
