I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
