i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
