I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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