Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Randomize