So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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