dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
