just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
