Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
