hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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