Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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