he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
