My friends, they love my intelligence
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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