Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
