dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize