What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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