I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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