Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
