Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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