i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
