I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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