I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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