Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
