I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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