So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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