Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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