I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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