please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
