You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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