I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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