do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
