You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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