TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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