Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Randomize
