She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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