I will die if light touches me.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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