I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
