May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Even the bartender felt bad for me
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
