The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
