Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize