She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
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