Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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