11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize