she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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