We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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