so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Do vagina's smell?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
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