Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Randomize
