Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
