i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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