she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
