ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
