I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
