Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He better not be in your backpack
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
