ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize