I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
