I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize