Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
